Routine

My orgasm deprived mind is an incredible sick one. K loves how the filth just flows from my mouth when I’m denied. The other night he sat on my face, shoving my tongue into his asshole while he scrolled through my tumblr account (http://www.tumblr.com/blog/cuckqueanslave), slapping my clit and twisting my nipples. My clit takes on this swollen state when I’m deprived. It becomes engorged and super sensitive. Slapping it is the most painful, but pleasureful thing there is.

I’ve gotten back into the habit of coming home from work and plugging myself until bed. It’s comforting. I look forward to it. K’s been edging me nightly which adds to my insanity and frustration.

I feel good. I feel comfortable. I feel happy.

I’m still looking for our cuckcake. I’d love a sweet little college thing that we can spoil. There aren’t a ton in Georgia it seems.

The Vicious Cycle

It happened again. I came, I rebelled, K and I fought, we had a coming to Jesus and I’m sitting here with a butt plug in, back on orgasm denial and looking for a beautiful hot thing to fluff for them.

We are getting back into the routine of me being plugged and obeying. K plans on buying me a legit chastity belt. I hate the idea currently, because while I’m horny – I am still logical. I know that when I get desperate to cum I’ll agree to depraved things.

K also told me he wants me to start writing in here again.

Now that you’re all caught up I’ll tell you about the hottest dream I had last night…omfg…

So, I dreamt that K put me in my cage in our basement. He put a bowl down there and pissed in it and told me that was what I’d be drinking for the evening and he’d refill it anytime he needed to relieve himself. He suggested it be empty when he comes back down because if there is no room in the bowl for him to piss he’d be pissing on me and leaving me there to soak in it. He took the plug from my ass and replaced it with a dildo and then bound my hands behind my back so that I couldnt touch my clit, but due to size of the cage I couldn’t get the dildo out of my ass. Additionally, anytime I went to drink from the bowl the dildo would essentially fuck my ass due to my motion.

He went back upstairs and I could hear him laughing and then hear a woman’s voice laughing. And then I heard moaning and fucking. I quickly found myself drinking his piss just so I could fuck my ass to the sound of them fucking. A while later, with an empty bowl – he came back downstairs and shoved his cock in the cage and made me clean him off. He pissed in the bowl and suggested I drink quickly because there was about to be more. And there was. A woman came down the stairs to the basement and sat ontop of my cage and made me eat her pussy and ass until she was thoroughlly cleaned. She then gave me 10 seconds to lap as much of K’s piss out of the bowl as I could before she would piss in my bowl.

They agreed to let me out, but only if I went back into my chastity belt without orgasm. I begged and pleaded with them to let me cum and they said no. They told me if I argued that they’d leave my ass full on the dildo all night so I could “sleep on my options.” The reminded me how much I’d had to drink and that there would be no bathroom break either.

I finally agreed. They let me out and put me in a chastity belt. She left and K took me upstairs. He bathed me in the shower while I cried and begged him to let me out. He whispered he was doing it because he loved me and knew what I needed. We got out ofo the shower and climbed into bed where he let me suck his cock and worship his asshole with my tongue until we both fell asleep.

I woke up SOAKED. DRENCHED. You would have thought I squirted in my dream. Holy mother of god. This morning I realized that K is right, I need the belt because I have never been so close to rubbing one out. Maybe I’ll get the first part of my “dream” before we find a girl.

Sometimes my own level of love for humiliation frightens me.

I’m back!

xoxo, CS

 

Where have you gone?

Often I find myself wondering where I’ve gone. Where I’ve gone in every aspect of the question: professionally, physically, sexually.

Professionally: I absolutely love what I do. I wouldn’t change one thing about it. I never in a million years imagined myself in this line of work, but I love it.

Physically: I’ve lost over 100lbs. I am an athlete now and compete in triathlons, 5ks and 10ks. I’m still losing weight. I don’t know who I am when I look in the mirror. I struggle with this body identity and it plays a role in my confidence. I used to be extremely confident and I often find that wavering now. You’d think it’d be the opposite.

Sexually: while I’m most comfortable on my knees I fight it tooth and nail. It causes problems in my marriage – yet I fight it. Oh god I fight it. I fight it tooth and nail. K knows I have this internal struggle. The other night I wanted K to flog me, but I couldn’t bring myself to ask. It was on the tip of my tongue the entire day and night but I swallowed it down every time I felt the urge. I used to be such a pain slut. Everything ranging from violet wands to single tales to knife play. It was a drug for me. I needed the endorphin rush and the high from it. I’d marvel at the beautiful marks. It was something I needed to feel complete. And now I swallow down the urge to ask for a simple flogging. Flogging is more cathartic for me than anything. Even today I want it…perhaps I’ll muster up the courage to ask – though, I’m sure I will find a million excuses not to.

My God – things would be so much easier if K was a mind reader.

Side note: to the perv that left 8 comments regarding the things you’d do to me – yeah, not approving them. Sorry!

Bare With Me

Bare with me. I’m at a strange cross road that I’m not sure how to appropriately articulate. Lately I’ve been waking up and not knowing who I am anymore. I’ve had urges, desires, fantasies that force me to take a hard long look at myself. So many things I want say, but how? How when I’m not sure if I should even embrace them? I know, I know – I’m speaking in riddles.

K has had the flu for a solid week now. It breaks my heart when he is ill.

Teaching Tuesday – How’d You Know?

How did you discover you were kinky?

To simplify it – I could not orgasm without it. Seriously. All the stimulation in the world wouldn’t put me over the edge.

I found sex early. Probably too earlier and much earlier than I ever want my children to find it.

For all of the details go to my history page!